Tales from the Cultural Wilderness - Journal

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2005-03-07 Entry: "The Dog Ate My Homework"

Gah! Windows crashed and ate todays report. Where are we now? Somewhere in the middle of Millennium disc 3, with "Goodbye Charlie."

We've got a guy assisting people with suicides... except the latest one appears to be murder. Ah... the guy assisting works for a helpline.

They give us Lara's (the woman who sees angels) passphrase to the Millennium network on her computer - Open the pod-bay doors please Hal - which shows just how geeky the guy who installs the system is... when Frank's is Soylent Green Is People.

So far we've had "A Single Blade Of Grass" with native american sacrifice and prophecy of buffalos in New York, "The Curse Of Frank Black" with the Devil trying to get Frank to sit back and stop interfering in return for a cushy afterlife, "19:19" with a guy abducting a school bus full of children hoping that a sign will show the return of Jesus - and the mysterious little girl who knows more than she should. Then "The Hand Of Saint Sebastian" sees Frank and Watts off to Germany in a case unsanctioned by the Group - it touches on the origins of Millennium, and puts them at serious risk (exploding cars, people chasing them with guns, getting sucked in to peat bogs).

Then a disc of Star Trek, with the lacklustre "The Enemy Within" (Kirk gets split between good and evil halves by the transporter), and then the improving run of "Mudd's Women" (Mudd uses Venus drug to make women more beautiful than they are, so he can run a scam on some miners), "What Are Little Girls Made Of?" (Nurse Chapel's fiance turns up and there's a whole thing with androids, including one of Kirk) and "Miri" (children on a planet are the only survivors after plague kills all the adults... but it's still around and killing them as they reach puberty).

Then finishing the third Dungeons And Dragons disc that started a few days ago with "Day Of The Dungeon Master" seeing Eric take on Dungeon Master's garb and powers when the little guy takes a day off; "The Last Illusion" sees Presto get a love interest in a girl who can make illusions who's being held captive by Venger; "The Dragon's Graveyard" that sees Hank finally decide to get rid of Venger, and make a deal with Tiamat to try to kill him; and "Child Of The Stargazer" which sees Diana get a love interest who's the focal point of a prophecy about the child of a stargazer from another world who defeats a demon queen... except Diana is also the child of an astronomer from another world.

Two previous Millennium episodes on this disc, the silly "Jose Chung's Doomsday Defence" which at least sees the last appearance of the eponymous author (and the completely ludicrous cult of Selfosophy), and "Midnight Of The Century" which sees Frank digging in to his daughter's gift and angels showing up to persuade him to go and see his father - it's a touching Christmas episode...

But back to Goodbye Charlie, and he's killing people with walnuts in their mouth and he's standing there singing karaoke... bizarre doesn't really cover it! The end is good though... the guy just disappears, and Lara and Frank are left with the difficult philosophical question of whether the guy was from heaven or hell!

Then "Luminary" sees Frank's wife getting an astrological reading, which apparently shows the conflict of the Millennium involves her as well as Frank, and that she's got a strong sixth sense. Frank gets a meeting with the Group that doesn't go well, and then goes off to Alaska on a freelance job (missing person) while the Group cut off his network access.

The discovery of the kid in the woods during the aurora in this is great, but his subsequent disappearance raises even more questions than the one at the end of the last episode... is Frank's role in life to chase after people who disappear in to thin air?

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