Tales from the Cultural Wilderness - Journal

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2002-03-06 Entry: "A Retraction Of Sorts"

I've been asked to make an apology. Apparently, my comments in this entry about the band ThreeForTenPounds were seen as negative. I'd like to state, for the record, that I've not seen or heard them perform, and have no idea whether they're good or bad.

However, I'm not sure I can see anything negative about the band in that entry. Perhaps because I'm reading into it what I intended to say, which was that I was feeling anti towards going to the gig for reasons totally unrelated to the band performing there.

Admittedly, my non-attendance was a little cowardly on my part. It would have been likely that the number of people there I actually knew well was in the single digits (or 1 at best guess). As such, I knew ahead of time that I'd be uncomfortable - if the situation had been lots of people I knew, or no people I knew, I'd have probably been happier, but the middle ground gives me trouble for some reason.

I guess it's partly because it takes me a long time before I'm willing to let my guard down around people (and I'm sure it could be argued that I never do so entirely). I have to know them quite well before I relax around them. Being in a mixed group of people who I know well and people I don't leaves me lost, and I usually end up clinging to those I know well like a security blanket. This obviously doesn't work all that well, as the people I know want to spend at least some of the evening with the other people there they know (who I don't). So I avoid the possibility of it occurring by not going.

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