Tales from the Cultural Wilderness - Journal

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2003-03-20 Entry: "On A (Slightly) Lighter Note"

Amusing thoughts:

Denmark are one of the coalition of the willing (30 countries, most of which end in "enia" or "kistan") who are providing military aid in this invasion - they're providing a submarine and a cutter. Ignoring the fact that the US have most of their fleet in the Gulf, and we've probably got all of ours, I'm not sure how much use they'd be. And I don't remember one of the major threats being Saddam Hussain's vast submarine fleet!

The Americans are rejecting everything the French gave them - renaming stuff with French in the title so they instead have "Freedom Fries" and such frivolousness. They're chucking out French wine (I'll take it!). Well, the French helped give them their liberation from the Brits, so if they keep working their way back then do they reject their independence eventually? Although I'm not sure we really want them back at the moment - they're public services are a mess, they spend far too much on the military, and they have this crazy idea that low taxes are some sort of right!

These so called smart bombs that have a tendency to miss their target - I'm presuming they could have made them smart enough, but they had to put that camera in there to provide pictures to CNN, which meant something had to go.

I thought it was Saddam Hussain who had a huge number of doubles - but Tariq Aziz has been killed, defected to at least two other nations, and appeared in a news conference in Baghdad all in the last couple of hours.

The war had to get underway as soon as possible (and so any deadlines agreed with the UN had to be in the order of hours rather than weeks or months) as the weather would have made invasion difficult in a month or so. And what's stopping the invasion now? A sandstorm! Oh, and apparently a full moon doesn't help! Not that anyone could predict when we'd have a full moon. Celestial mechanics seems to be a lost art!

We're at alert level orange against terrorist attacks. Apparently red is bad, but orange is nearly so. And a guy on a tractor seems to have brought Washington to a halt claiming he's got a bomb! I guess they were right to raise the alert level, just in case any more farmers have a grudge against anyone!

They keep showing pictures of Saddam's son (the nutty one - Uday I think...) - scarily he looks just like a guy I know down the bar... I'm guessing it's not him, as he's desperate for a war in Iraq (his usual argument being "we've got the bomb"), but actually it could be a really subversive plan to take over from his father (in which case, does the "we" in the above mean they've broken resolution 1441?)!

CNN are claiming they're the number one choice for Americans for news, ahead of Fox and MSNBC... erm, I don't get the other two, so it's a bit hard to choose them isn't it?!

Oil prices keep going up - they've only got to triple in price before I'm paying what I'd pay back home! So I'm certainly not complaining. If they go up a bit further we might lose a few of those SUVs on the road and I might have some visibility in my little Mustang!

B2 Stealth Bombers - isn't that an oxymoron? How stealthy is it to bomb the hell out of something?!

I thought the way to surrender was pretty much understood, but apparently 2 million leaflets have been dropped on Iraq telling them how - perhaps its got phonetic explanations of how to say "I surrender" in English so there's no misunderstanding!

The Azores can now become a pilgrimage spot for future Iraqi citizens. That's where their democracy came from - perhaps they need a theme park there, Gulf War World or something?! The place where it was decided that Iraq needed to be a free state and that Hussain had had plenty long enough to dig trenches and fill them with oil, drive trucks from building to building, and replumb his palace with those aluminium tubes he bought.

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