The Adventures Of Brisco County, Jr.
There's this golden ball with spikey protrusions all over it found in a mine, and pulling out of those protrusions gives a blue glowing wand/crystal thing that gives the slave workers the strength to break their chains with their bare hands!
And then there's the 13 members of the Bly gang, being transported by Marshall Brisco County... and some gang members ahead on the track with a road-runner-esque breakout attempt. Big rock, painted to look like actual track!
Comet - apparently he doesn't know he's a horse - manages to get Brisco County Jr out of a lynching for a card game he didn't cheat in. So Brisco's hired by a bunch of businessmen to catch the Bly gang. Lord Bowler, another bounty hunter, isn't happy that there's another Brisco County putting him out of work. They get into a fight, and Brisco's legal background get him out of the hard labout the judge intends to impose.
The government take the orb into possession... listing it as an Unearthed Foreign Object! But Bly's gang intend to steal it off the train. An attack by some Chinese warriors leads Brisco to Chinatown and a lead on Bly's right hand man, Big Smith. He apparently has a girlfriend, Dixie Cousins (played by Kelly Rutherford), and Brisco and Socrates stumble on her by accident.
They also meet Professor Albert Wickwire and his daughter Amanda (when she punches Brisco in the face). Following Dixie to a stagecoach, Brisco ends up in a runaway, and jumping with Dixie ends up having to talk his way out of being shot by Big Smith's gang. However, back in town he manages to end up with his hands on Pete's piece, and in a shootout with four of them.
Dixie leads Brisco to Bly's railroad work... but he's nearly caught, and ends up in a clinch with Amanda to escape. Whitwire is building a rocket. Big Smith has Lord Bowler and Comet... and uses them to smoke Brisco out. And then ties Brisco and Bowler to the railroad tracks ahead of the train they're robbing! Comet cuts Brisco loose, and it's off to stop the train... and that rocket might come in handy!
The rocket has no brakes, so catching the train is risky. Brisco stops the robbery, but Big Smith goes off the train (and off a bridge) clutching the UFO. Now, just to stop the runaway train before it goes off a cliff! And then a punch up with the railroad boss who gave Bly the timetable... but he's used the Orb to give himself super-strength... pity the same effect kills him!
Brisco County gets a lead from a childhood friend, Donovan Joe (played by Pat Skipper: Bill Scully, Jr - The X-Files), on the location of John Bly. Brisco and Donovan have a patchy history (Donovan left Brisco to deal with the Swill brothers alone, and Brisco was nearly killed), but Donovan's now Sheriff of Poker Flats. Socrates has taken up golf.
On the way into town, Brisco finds two outlaws holding up an old guy's coach. Taking them into custody doesn't work out so well when he gets into town and the Chief Sheriff's Deputy, Puel (Robert Picardo) claims they're Sheriff's deputies that he's taken prisoner, and Brisco gets thrown in a gaol cell with Bowler. The old man turns out to have spent his whole life studying the orb.
Donovan's been feeling guilty all these years, as he set Brisco up with the Swill brothers, and has been worried that Brisco would come after him. So luring him to town is pretty much another set up... and this time he's working with Bly! When Brisco claims to not know the current location of the orb, they drop him down the well.
Bowler gets thrown back in gaol - they plan to hang him in the morning - and meets the former sheriff in his cell. Meanwhile, Bly learns that the old man knows something about the orb he's looking for. Bowler stages a gaol-break, while Brisco gets a lead on Bly... but Bly already has the old man... and the old man has the orb. Brisco gets shot, but the old man persuades the guy guarding them that the building is on fire and he should go for help, just by telling him that!
Bowler turns up to comfort Brisco as he dies, proving he can sing in the process. The old man's managed to fool Bly, bringing the orb back and asking Brisco to touch it... and "just have faith." Pulling one of the rods out heals Brisco's bullet wound. The old man and the orb disappear into thin air. Bly senses that Brisco isn't dead, and sends Donovan Joe back to finish the job.
Brisco goes after the Swill Brothers. Meanwhile, Poole hires Bowler to recover a stolen government secret - a tank! Brisco catches up with the Brothers, but it turns out there are four of them, not three. The Swill brothers leave Brisco for dead, as his horse has run off. They've got better things to do - their cousin was the test driver of the tank!
Luckily for Brisco, Wickwire's nearby, testing his railroad mounted rocket. The nearest town, where Brisco might get medical attention, is the titular No Man's Land, a town with no men... and a lot of German speaking women. Cue a guest appearance by Denise Crosby as the town sheriff. And she recognises Brisco's gun...
The Swill Brothers ride into town and start throwing their weight around. They take the sheriff hostage, but Brisco stages a rescue. Then Bowler rides into town to warn the townsfolk about the tank, but one of the Swills poses as the Sheriff. Isn't one of the town blacksmiths Atalanta from Hercules? Turns out the sheriff used to be John Bly's moll, and Brisco County Sr was the one who rescued her from Bly.
Brisco finally manages to capture all the Swills when the tank rolls into town... and goes on a rampage until all the Swills are released. Fortunately, Wickwire's rocket is a suitable modern opponent to the tank, but it does force the Professor to stay in town until it's repaired.
Brisco has to recover a shipment of guns that was stolen off a train (by having it crash into a rock painted to look like scenery), and is now on its way to Mexico. Turns out the Mexican General who may know where the guns are is a friend of Brisco's. Kelly Rutherford makes a reappearance as the General's entertainment.
Some sneaking around in the middle of the night, turns up Pete trying to sell the guns to the General. The General decides to have them killed, and Dixie helps them escape, getting them to the revolutionaries camp. Brisco wants to help the revolution, but Socrates tries to keep him from taking sides and just recovering the guns.
Brisco brings in wanted fugitive Jack Randolph (played by William Russ: Alan Matthews - Boy Meets World), but he claims they've got the wrong Jack Randolph. Socrates' sister, Iphigenia, comes to town to defend Jack, who proceeds to seduce her so she breaks him out of gaol. There's also a familiar face in one of the waitresses at the saloon - Yvette Nipar (Detective Madigan - Robocop The Series).
Jack ditches Iphigenia during his escape, but Brisco's hot on the trail. Brisco thinks he has Jack trapped in a cave, but Pete makes a reappearance to turn the tables. Fortunately, being a stupid villain, he leaves the hero and Iphigenia in a ridiculous long-term death-trap.
Jack's out to retrieve a printing plate stolen from the US Treasury, that's in a village now under 30 feet of water due to damming. Iphigenia lets slip that Socrates was nicknamed "Bunny" growing up! Unfortunately for Wickwire, his newly invented diving suit would come in really handy for a couple of outlaws trying to search the bottom of a lake.
In the middle of a shootout with outlaws, Brisco receives a telegram from Socrates, simply saying "Help!". Travelling out to Gateway, Louisiana, Brisco finds Poole in gaol, having lost a lot of company money gambling with Brett Bones (Xander Berkeley), one of Bly's gang. Brisco has to dress up to swim in the circles Brett populates, and he's not going to be able to take his gun along.
A man rides into town with a warrant to arrest Brett for murder, but Brett has a blanket pardon from the Governor allowing him to avoid any detainment. Brisco gets invited to a poker game on Brett's riverboat. But first he has to save the dead guy's brother from Brett's thugs... seems the two brothers have invented some new fabric and tried to avoid paying Brett's toll.
Winning big against Brett, Brisco takes his winnings, and gets Poole out of gaol. But Brett steals all their money. So Brisco calls in Bowler to beat Brett's boxer... of course, they've set up Brett's guy to take a dive. Dixie shows up during the fight and nearly blows the scam. Brett tries to welch on the bet, but Brisco insists on being paid at the riverboat. Introduding the wheel of fortune, only this one has Brisco tied to it and axes thrown at it!
A boxing rematch is set up, but it's not fixed this time. Fortunately, Dixie and Brisco have a plan, as long as Bowler can hold out in the ring for as long as it takes... It seems Brett's blanket pardon is only valid in Louisiana, and when you've got a riverboat on the Mississippi, it's not that hard to float into another state.
Brisco rides up just as Blackbeard LaCutte (Andrew Divoff), one of Bly's men, rides away after stripping a wagon bare. The young boy in the wagon is sick, and Brisco agrees to take the family (including wife Janel Maloney) to the nearest town to a doctor. Bowler meanwhile manages to trick Poole into revealing Brisco's activities, so he's hot on the trail.
But pirates in Nevada?! Rolling around the plains with cannons and sabres? Bowler shows up to help Brisco out of a bar-brawl, and the pair team up to track down Blackbeard. They sneak into his cave for the medicine he's stolen, but Blackbeard's sketch artist discovers them. The pair are tied up and thrown in quicksand for their troubles.
Brisco and Bowler, with Comet's help, escape the quicksand, but Blackbeard's men come back to check on them... and Blackbeard decides to ransom Brisco so that he has enough money to build a battleship! Brisco's employers refuse to pay the ransom, so Socrates decides to come out to help. Brisco and Bowler escape, but Bowler's recaptured on the wrong side of Blackbeard's portcullis!
Poole gets taken in by Blackbeard, to try and negotiate for County's release... except he's not really in much of a bargaining position. Brisco and the father of the boy ride out together to stop Blackbeard. Blackbeard's laying dynamite to blow the cave with Socrates and Bowler inside, but Brisco gets there to have a swordfight with the villain. But Blackbeard makes it past him and the father of the boy to escape on horseback... cue chase scene... and Blackbeard falling into the quicksand.
Brisco's escorting a young boy, Jason Marsden (Dash X - Eerie Indiana), to spend time with his father when they're ambushed by Bly's men and the boy is kidnapped. Bly wants a rod from the orb, that was in Brisco's father's possessions, in exchange for the boy... And Socrates is ordered to pay up.
Bly has the orb, or an orb at least, and has kidnapped Wickwire to examine it... but it appears to be dead with the rod missing. Brisco is hot on Socrates heels, so when Bly's men try to double cross him at the trade, Brisco turns the table and stops them. However, he's slightly distracted by repeated appearances of his father!
Brisco tracks back along the bandits trail, but gets forced off a cliff by Bly. His tracking continues, and his father helps him out several times, but Bly finally manages to reunite the orb and the rod... causing the guy who reunites them to get sucked into oblivion, and causing the orb to build to self destruction. Brisco's father, before disappearing, warns his son that there were originally three orbs... leaving two out there somewhere...
Brisco's visiting an old doctor friend from Boston, who immediately after gets arrested for murder. Brisco gets roped into defending him, but the local Sheriff seems determined that the Doctor gets found guilty. The judge, Tony Jay (Nigel St John - Lois And Clark; Paracelcus - Beauty And The Beast), has a keen sense of justice, so Brisco might be in with a chance.
The dead guy set up a research lab for the Doctor, but he had a habit of manipulating and ruining people. The Doctor has medical records that show the murder victim had a heart condition that would have seen him dead in a month. There's hoof and mouth shenanigans with a sick herd, there's the relationship between the Doctor and the dead guy's wife, and then there's the courtroom fingerprint test!
Brisco returns to his home town to help out the Sheriff (who's a drunk) and his daughter. There's some ranchers trying to take over, and some threatened swedes, and a guest appearance by Anthony Starke (Ezra - Magnificent Seven), but it's a pretty unmemorable storyline. Brisco gets to pull a couple of guys over and administer a drunk-riding test!
And then there's Utah Johnny Montana - he can't speak, but he's a _really_ fast gun! Speaking for him is John Hawkes (Sol - Deadwood). Brisco has to hold an intervention with the Sheriff because of his drinking problem. The subsequent knife in his back isn't going to help his longevity though.
The Sheriff is kidnapped, and they agree a trade - their prisoner for the Sheriff. But it means Brisco has to take on Utah Johnny Montana. Can Utah take a County? Or is Brisco the faster man? They continue the run of not killing the bad-guys, with Brisco putting a bullet down the barrel of Utah's gun! Hey, isn't that the same gaol as in The Orb Scholar?
Brisco's still looking for the coming thing, and being able to record stuff onto a wax cylinder and replay it at will sparks his interest. However, it's Dixie who's in trouble over it - she's got a cylinder with an important conversation recorded on it, and Bly is sending an assassin to kill her and get it. Brisco needs to retrieve her and the cylinder to appear before a grand jury.. An extremely implausible Andrea Parker (Andrea Parker - Pretender) makes an appearance.
Bowler gets hired by a U.S. Marshall to make the same recovery. But Brisco's already tracked down the sultry lounge singer... although she doesn't want to leave! Bly's assassin, Winston Smiles, played by David Warner, turns out to be a gourmet chef, amongst other skills... like poisons. Bowler disrupts Brisco's sneaky backwoods route home, and Dixie almost gets captured by Winston's men, but Brisco rescues her and they hop on a nearby train to escape. Comet doesn't want to get left behind though!
Winston uses the telegraph to stop the train and capture them, but Brisco again manages to escape, including avoiding being drawn and quartered by the train! A pair of Mexican musicians pick the threesome up on the road, Dixie being famous due to her help with the revolutionaries in Jalisco. Ah, there's the Andrea Parker we expect, practically jumping Socrates in his office!
Okay, Dixie's good friends with a nun? Ah, she's hiding the cylinder. We get some Dixie backstory - her wagon train was attacked and she was raised by Cherokee until she was rescued by the religious folks and trained as a nun. Winston corners Dixie and Brisco in the confessional. But again, they get out and back to town, where quelle surprise, Miss Parker turns out to be in league with the bad guys, and Winston fills the safe (where the cylinder is stored) with dynamite.
Brisco's hot on the trail of Big Smith... who's apparently not as dead as people thought... and who's managed to frame Brisco for murder. Sheena Easton shows up as the titular bounty hunter who initially manages to capture him. After Brisco's escape, we see in flashback that the murder victim confronted Smith, who forced him to turn his gun on himself!
Brisco goes back to the bank that was robbed, and is offered a free branding iron if he opens an account! The bank robber tore the vault door off when he stole the gold. However, Bly's beaten him to it, and has the bank manager tied up in the back. Unfortunately for Brisco, Crystal's also caught up with him... When another bounty hunter, El Gato, confronts Crystal over her bounty, Brisco gets away in the confusion. And then he buys a second hand horse...
Big Smith's brother gives Bly and Brisco the next lead, and Brisco almost catches Bly... until Crystal blunders into the middle of it... and Bly drops a piano on them! County makes a deal with Crystal - 24 hours reprieve to catch Bly. Poole and Bowler manage to track them down when they stage a distraction to get into the cavalry offices to find out where Smith's being held. Why is Smith's file stamped "Top Secret"?
Smith's being held in an electrified cell, and Brisco talks to him alone - Smith says Brisco's destiny is to keep the orbs out of Bly's hands... and he just needs to have faith in himself to have the power. They were apparently sent from the future to advance mankind. The mysterious Professor has one of the orbs, and the other is in the warehouse... and so is Bly! But the orb's power allows Brisco to defeat and arrest Bly... and Big Smith is willing to come in and clear Brisco's name... but the orb disappears during the fight.
A top secret prototype is stolen - four motorcycles - by one of Bly's men... and Socrates will lose his job over it unless Brisco can recover them... and of course he's interested, as they might just be the coming thing! Meanwhile, one of the orbs is being transported by the fastest wagon the government have to a secret lab. Methinks the motorcycles are faster.
The motorcyclists will need fuel, so they need refining equipment, so they need to rob a bank... which gives Brisco and Bowler a chance to catch up with them and capture one, even when their horses are less than happy with the bikes. Unfortunately, their captive only speaks German. Brisco recruits Wickwire to repair the damaged bike.
Hercules' Atalanta (Corinna Everson) reappears as Wickwire's German speaking blacksmith friend. Wickwire's one-way mirror forms the first interrogation room, and the blacksmithing sisters play good cop / bad cop with the German captive! Bowler comes up with the idea of a television. Brisco and Bowler catch up with the gang at their cave (where they've stopped to refine the petrol), but a gasoline spill and a fire gives the bad guys a chance to escape!
Why's Wickwire added a lever to the bike that he doesn't know what does? And does Comet really think he can keep up? Ah, when the cycle Brisco and Bowler are riding gets blown up, Comet allows Brisco to chase down the remaining bad guy. And the orb's going to a secret research lab in Nevada? Is that an early reference to Area 51?
Brisco and Bowler are on the trail of the Swill Brothers when a runaway wagon tears through their camp with a bunch of women tied up in the back. Turns out it was the Swills who robbed them. The women are on their way to Preacher's Head to meet their husbands, but the Swill brothers are in town ahead of them. It seems someone's made a chapbook of Brisco County's adventures!
Socrates is in the small town of Madrid, awaiting a royal bull from Spain... and he's got a disagreement with the town mayor who plans to eat the million dollar animal. Turns out the three women are the titular mail order brides. Ach! The guy from Spain escorting the bull has a terrible Spanish accent! Meanwhile Brisco and Bowler get in a bar fight and thrown in gaol, requiring bailing out... and the brides need to recover their dowries from the Swills, and are willing to get them out if they'll help.
The Swills return home to see their mother. And they have a flamethrower they've stolen from the army. The brothers have a plan to steal the million dollar bull. And they nearly do so - breaking into the barn with the bull shortly before Brisco comes in to town with the brides. When they capture one of the brides, he has to go in and negotiate with them... or maybe let the bull loose and save the day while it runs loose through the town.
Dixie Cousins is confronted in her quarters by Doc McCoy, who wants her to come with him to South America after he pulls one final job for Bly. Unfortunately, Brisco's hot on the Doc's trail. Oh, and the Doc's Dixie's ex-husband! Brisco has to use Dixie to get close to Doc so that he has a chance at Bly.
We get to see Lord Bowler's palatial home! He even has a butler! Brisco gets in to a gunfight with one of Bly's men, but Dixie bluffs in calling him Kansas Wily Stafford, someone who killed seven men in a gunfight... which gets the bad guy, Mongoose, to call it off. Andrea Parker makes a reappearance as Rita, having broken out of prison and claiming to be in love with Socrates!
McCoy tries to seduce Dixie, and proclaims he still loves her. The army have built a super-cannon that can shoot over a mile, and McCoy intends to steal it. The foursome, McCoy, Mongoose, Brisco and Bowler, steal the cannon, and then Mongoose and Brisco take a decoy cart to divert the soldier escort. But Mongoose has discovered the Kansas subterfugte and chains Brisco to the cart before sending it careering out of control towards a cliff.
Mongoose then intends to kill Dixie for the deception. But luckily Brisco makes it back to save her. When Socrates tries to stand up the crazy Rita and hide in Bowler's mansion, she tracks him down and tries to kill him. The orb is stored in Nowhere, Nevada, a town that the government took off the map and filled with scientists... and no-one can get within a mile of it... which is where the super-cannon comes in.
Doc McCoy's also tracked down the real Kansas Wily Stafford, and we get a reappearance of the show's only gaol set when Bowler, Brisco and Dixie are held there by Kansas. Nearly talking their way out, Brisco has to go after McCoy and the cannon. Shells filled with knockout gas take care of Nowhere's guards, but Brisco and Bowler beat McCoy and his men into town. After dealing with McCoy, Brisco tracks down the orb, and gets to see a hologram of himself recorded in the future. It seems Brisco has to track down the one final orb, which is with the Professor guy (from the Orb Scholar)... then the future Brisco takes this orb with him.
Brisco, Bowler, and a whole bunch of other bounty hunters are brought together on an island. And people start to die... including the one who pushed in and took Brisco's room. Brisco manages to save another from a falling chandelier. The guy who planned the meeting turns out to be an actor, hired to play the role by a courier.
After a bounty hunter ends up taking a bath in acid, Brisco, Bowler and Socrates end up sharing a room. When Comet tries to join, Brisco has to take him back to the stable, and gets ties to a flagpole in a thunderstorm! After escaping, he expects to find the person who tied him up soaked due to the rain... but it turns out everyone is soaked and have valid reasons for it!
Bowler stumbles on a secret passage in their room. After Bowler manages to get himself tied to the back of a shooting target and nearly shot by Socrates, Brisco comes up with the idea of replacing the poisoned champagne with a bottle that will only knock everyone out. But when everyone drinks it, who's the killer? Feigning unconsciousness, the "future bounty hunter" costume that one of the men brought comes to life.
Bowler gets shot by his taser, but Brisco manages to ride him down and find it's the bounty hunter who alledgedly died in the acid bath. He just wanted to wipe out the competition before they could take his livelihood. He's clearly crazy! Brisco offers to keep Rosalind (the woman who brought them together) appraised of his hunt for Bly, just as she wanted in the first place.
"Fountain Of Youth" opens with Brisco and Bowler riding in to a camp full of Chinese looking for Professor Coles. Brisco apparently took some Chinese lessons at Harvard. Responding to a woman's cry for help, they have to fight "the best looking gang" they've ever seen. The woman they save seems to be happy for his presence though.
The woman claims to be Coles' daughter, and they need to find the Professor before Bly does. Fortunately, Bowler can follow his wagon tracks. Socrates meets with Lee Pow, who gives him a key, and tells him that he too has a destiny with the orb. Brisco and Bowler find the Professor, but the pretty gang come in with the daughter hostage and knock our heroes out.
When Socrates starts following Brisco's trail, it starts glowing when he points it in the right direction! Apparently the Professor used the orb to make Lillian's medicine, and he tells her where the orb is, but she's working with Bly to get more of the medicine as the Professor refuses to make more.
Bly double-crosses Lillian and takes the Professor with him to get the orb. Lillian goes after him, and by the time Brisco and co. catch up with her, she's aged. She's really the Professor's mother, and the orb changed water to make her younger. They have to go into some dangerous caves after Bly...
The glowing key unlocks the handle of Brisco's father's gun... and there's a bullet inside made of the same alloy as the orb. The Professor recovers the orb for Bly. He then unlocks it, giving power to Bly... who wants to go home - 612 years in the future, year 2506, where he wants to take the orb to have enough power to rule the world. Brisco shoots Bly with the bullet, and he gets sucked into one of the exposed orb rods, before the orb goes dormant again. Brisco's left to keep the orb safe until his "final encounter with Bly!"
Brisco and Bowler ride in to the titular town, as Bowler's going to see a friend, Lenore. However, she seems to have a problem with a bunch of thugs who are about to burn down her property. Roy Hondo's come to town - and he's a criminal who served his time, but used to be something of a killing machine - however, he's either turned over a new leaf or running a protection racket.
Bowler's name gets snuck in here - James! Oh, look, it's our favourite gaol set, and Elvis is the Sheriff! Lenore's got a take-out window, although Brisco comes up with an improvement - the first ride-through. Bowler (or James Longfeather) was a Sergent with the 10th cavalry, which is where he met Lenore. Elvis has invented some sunglasses.
Brisco and Bowler capture the head of the bunch of thugs, but can't get him to testify against Hondo. Fortunately, they can make Hondo think he's going to. After escaping the rest of the gang (and having Bowler face off against an angry bear), they discover the kid trying to kill Hondo is really his son! The former sheriff turns out to be a bad guy... letting Hondo kill their witness.
Hondo goes after Lenore but Brisco stops the rest of the gang... and the kid, Whip, goes after Hondo alone. Fortunately, Brisco comes in and tries to talk the kid out of it. Hondo is unable to kill his own son. And the federal marshalls arive to return Hondo to gaol. Hondo and Whip try to reconcile before he gets taken away.
Two kids are looking for a horse to run away on, and attempt to steal Comet. Fortunately, he's a little too well trained for that. The kids are brother and sister (played by Mercedes McNab - Harmony from Buffy - and Michael Cade), and they're on their own since their parents died five years earlier. Apparently they've been left lots of money by a rich uncle in San Francisco, but they need to get there in a hurry... and at least get there before their evil landlord (who also knows about the money).
Brisco agrees to help them, although Bowler isn't too happy about it. The landlord, Sam Anderson (Holland Manners - Angel) attempts to get the money by playing the brother of the dead uncle... but Socrates is on the case trying to prove he's a fraud. The landlord's run up a whole bunch of gambling debts, and those he owes the money to kill him and go after the kids for their money.
Socrates searches for the captain of the ship on which the kids and their uncle were the only survivors... and the trail leads him past a man who's invented sushi. The thugs manage to fool the boy, but the girl wants to trust Brisco and Bowler. But they need to recruit the help of a bunch of belly dancers to help rescue the boy. But the boy doesn't want to be rescued, getting Brisco captured in the process.
The thugs get the boy to San Francisco to get the inheritance, but luckily Bowler gets there with the girl and saves the day. Meanwhile, Socrates has found the childrens mother is still alive, although she thinks it's the children who are dead. Oh, they kill off another bad guy! Alright, so he throws himself off a fire escape...
Bowler and Brisco are on the trail of the last of Bly's gang... a French guy called Pepe. But he's rescued from a dead end alley by a couple of government agents who want to hire him for something. Bowler's considering retiring to start a winery. A naked woman, played by Melanie Smith (the second Tora Ziyal - DS9) appears in Brisco's bedroom, claiming to be from the future... apparently long distance time travel is easier with no clothes and jewelry. She's from the year 5502 - 3000 years ahead of John Bly's time - and they created the orbs. And apparently Bly's about to be set free.
Escape from orb - that's clearly what Pepe's for; take the orb back to his own time; initiate 2000 year reign of terror. Hmmm... not a bad plan all told... and the girl isn't allowed to directly alter events. Once the government get the orb, they kill Pepe. But Bly's already out. Ah, according to Socrates, the government agent has gone rogue and wants the orb for himself. A different government agent wants Brisco's help recoving the orb... and the naked woman has disappeared from his hotel room.
Fortunately, naked lady is out wandering the streets... and Bowler is remembered in the future as Brisco's faithful companion! They get to the warehouse where the rogue agent, Brown, has the orb. During the ensuing punchup, Bly sneaks in and grabs the orb. Future woman, Corinna, tells Brisco he needs the other orb to stop Bly. Oh, the orb's some man-made electromagnetic net thingy - that explains everything! When Bly goes through the doorway to the future, Brisco has to step in, think himself backwards in time to the point his future double took the orb and be the one to take it!
Brisco fails to remember his lines from the previous encounter though! Bly shoots Bowler just as Brisco gets there with the other orb, but he's incapable of shooting Brisco. Suitably for the wild west setting, Bly and Brisco settle their differences in a fist fight before Bly is thrown from the third floor window. Brisco has Bowler touch the orb to heal him, but nothing happens... not even when he's touching a rod. But with Bowler dead, how can he appear in subsequent episodes unless Brisco goes back and changes things again? Once Bowler's saved and Bly's turned to dust, Corinna and both orbs go back to the future.
A father and son read a chapbook of one of Brisco's adventures. The titular criminal is robbing a bank that Brisco happens to be near, but gets away when Brisco has to stop the dynamite filled wagon from exploding. However, hot on Ned's trail, Brisco ends up sharing a room with Bowler, in a place run by his ex-fiancee, Francis McCabe, played by Brenda Bakke (Selina Coombs - American Gothic)... someone who ran out on the wedding with a West Point graduate.
Having dinner with Francis, Brisco meets Frenchy Bearpaux, hunter, trapper, and general bad guy, who wants revenge on Brisco for some slight of his father's. Frenchy's also keeping Ned holed up in his cabin with the stuffed bear! Okay, Frenchy has a real bear paw where his left hand would be - and it was Brisco County Sr's fault! Bearpaux lures Brisco to the local lumbermill and ties him to a log to go through the saw. Frenchy was a wanted man - and Brisco County Sr tracked him high into the mountains where Frenchy fell into his own beartrap and lost his hand.
Francis gets there just after Brisco's managed to stop the saw. Cornering Frenchy at his cabin, Brisco discovers that Ned's planning to rob the new bank... and he's got a suit of armour and a "machinery gun" to do it. But things go south when Brisco, Francis, Socrates and the bank manager take cover in the vault and Socrates closes the door. Fortunately, Comet can hear them through the door and Brisco can give him the combination. Ned, meanwhile, has dispatched Bowler, and escaped on horseback with the money.
Ned struggles to get away in his metal suit... tiring the horses very quickly... allowing Brisco to catch up and fight him. Only Frenchy's bear traps allow Brisco to turn the tables on the metal man and have him hauled away by the marshalls. Brisco's not willing to go back east with Francis, but the military man leading the marshalls seems to have caught her eye!
A bunch of men enter Brisco's room while he's sleeping, wanting him to go with them. When he puts up a fight, one of them shoots him with a dart from a cigarette case. Brisco and Bowler have a tough job - they're involved in a prisoner exchange, and the one with the best Spanish gets to spend a week in Mexicale with the Spanish ambassador, while the other has to escort a prisoner by stagecoach. Bowler speaks fluent spanish, so Brisco has to escort the babe - Emma Steed. Looks like he lucked out after all!
Brisco's biology (mainly herbs) teacher, Doctor Milo, is on the stagecoach with them, as is another woman, Miss Plowwright. The Indian stagecoach driver is going to be annoying! Ah, and there's a last minute passenger. And then Bowler and Socrates get informed that the head of the bureau put a paid assassin on the stagecoach and they have to go after it. The stagecoach gains extra passengers along the path, and have to deal with Pete trying the painted rock trick with the coach.
The latest passenger dies during the two wheel escape from the rock, killed by foxglove in the sandwich made by the driver. The prayer at the graveside sounds suspiciously like Beatles lyrics! Pete manages to stop the coach further up the road by playing dead, and gets his prisoner, leaving the coach stranded without its horses, but Ms Steed appears able to deal with Pete once they're alone. But Brisco catches up with her and brings her back, dealing with an unknown sniper in the process.
Sleeping by the coach, Steed escapes the chains by drugging Brisco, but Bowler and Socrates turn up and the three head out in pursuit. Catching up, Brisco nearly gets dropped down a well, but Steed finally lets on that she was sent to get another spy back from Mexico, who has information that would prevent a war between Spain and the US. They hand the girl over to the Mexicans to get the spy back, but she drops dead immediately across the border... except it's fake-out and she's just taken drugs from Doc Milo to make it appear that she's dead.
A coach carrying lots of money gets stolen out from under Brisco and Bowler's nose... and Brisco lets the thief get away - because he recognises her as Dixie (even with the mask). They track her into a town full of gambling dens (Reno), including one advertising Dolly Cousins - and it turns out she's Dixie's sister. Following her to Dixie they get the lowdown - mob guy won their casino in a card game, and the sisters have a card sharp to try and win it back... but it's Whip Morgan...
Whip wins, but Dino the mob guy brings his older brother Joey in - a much better card player - to win it back again. The stagecoach company bring in better lawmen to catch the thief and Brisco has to do some dancing to hide Dixie. Brisco and Bowler put Whip and Dixie in hiding and persuade Dolly to open another casino to lure the bad guys in. Dolly's invented neon lights. Socrates gest addicted to the slot machines.
The gift of a bottle of nitroglycerine from the mob doesn't help their new casino plan much. They manage to take Dino prisoner in the confusion though. The mob (well, Enzio, Dino and Joey's father) then decide everything should be settled over a nice game of poker - Whip against Joey - winner takes all. Whip's teaching Dixie to shoot.
Brisco points out Whip's tell, so he can use it to his advantage during the poker game. Dixie gets captured by the law, and Brisco has to break her out so Enzio has to honour the deal. Brisco and Bowler come up with Gamblers Anonymous to help Socrates with his problem. And Dixie and Dolly sing a number together...
The episode opens with a Dixie musical number, but Pete's in the joint, and he gives Dixie a baby before escaping out the back door into the fog. Brisco and Bowler catch up, but a shuriken announces the presence of some other guys - the Black Lotus - who snatch Pete and run off. Whip Morgan's been arrested, but he loves kids, so our heroes get him bailed out to help them care for the baby over the weekend... or rather, they beat the detective at cards to win Whip's freedom!
Tzi Ma guest stars as the villain, Chen, who's torturing Pete... and Pete cracks and sells out the location of the baby. Brisco's keeping something about a group of Chinese warriors and his father to himself until he's spoken to Lee Pow about the baby. The warriors show back up to grab the baby, and the baby carriage nearly ends up in traffic, but Dixie manages to save it, needing rescuing from selfsame predicament by Brisco. Brisco lets on to the rest that the Black Lotus killed his mother!
Lee Pow used to be leader of the Black Lotus, and Chen was his pupil, until he turned to the dark side. Brisco's father helped Lee Pow to escape the organisation. Chen shows up with Socrates, claiming to be the baby's father, but Dixie sees through the scheme and she and Whip escape through the window and take shelter in the Chinese Embassy. Unfortunately, Chen and his men are at the embassy, and capture everyone, while letting on to Brisco that he's the one who killed his mother!
Brisco has to sneak into the Embassy party as a waiter to rescue Dixie and the baby, while Bowler, Whip, and Lee Pow fashion an escape from the torture room in the basement. Fortunately, it connects to the local sewers. But we end with a fist-fight between the Black Lotus and our heroes in the street over the baby. Lee Pow tries to take on Chen alone, but Brisco has to step in and finish the fight. Dixie gets invited back to China to accompany the baby to meet the current Emperor. Whip's off to Arizona to see the painted desert. And Brisco will have to wait for Dixie to get back from her trip...
It's Socrates birthday, but when he blows out the candles on his cake, not only does he get a stripper jumping out of it, but the lights go out and he's kidnapped. The trail leads our heroes to Midnightville (Population: Strange), where Whip thinks he can identify the kidnapper by their scent. Socrates used to live in the town, when he was first out of law school.
The titular Betty is the deputy sheriff of the town, and she's a danger to all those around her! Whip gets rooms at the Grayson Boarding House (formerly funeral home), which bears a striking resemblance to the Psycho house. The proprietess Diana is played by Jane Sibbett (Carol - Friends), and her father (now passed away) was something of an inventor, as well as running the funeral home - he invented a shower, or "rain bath" as they call it here.
Socrates is chained up in a mock courtroom with a mysterious judge, who claims he's Donald Grayson and that he was innocent of the crime he was hanged for. He's got the Sheriff in the courtroom as one of those responsible for the hanging. More digging by our heroes seems to indicate that Donald Grayson is still alive... but isn't it far more likely that it's just Diana who's gone crazy and is masquerading as her father?
Brisco and Bowler are fleeing from the military... but when caught up with, they're arrested for high treason. Their appointed lawyer has never tried a case in a courtroom! They apparently fired upon cavalry officers, fled said officers, and gave aid to the enemy during battle. They were assigned to recover the daughter of a newspaper magnate who's in the hands of a Mexican revolutionary, and the military had to help them. The president won't allow the military to cross the border, but our heroes and a small, elite team, could get in and out without causing an incident.
Socrates shows up just after the commanding officer finishes testimony, to help with the defence, and then Pete is called as a witness! Brisco recruited him out of gaol to help them with the rescue. They'll give him a full presidential pardon and his piece if he'll give them information on the villa where the girl is held. The other recruits include hand-to-hand combat expert Aaron Viva (Elvis), Professor Wickwire plus inventions, and Whip Morgan. Pete lies on the stand, claiming Brisco planned to keep the girl, take the ransom money himself, and disgrace the general who ran his father out of the army.
The President can't help them, as the General is planning to run against the President in the next election and the girl's father would help with his newspapers, but he's offered to smuggle them to Mexico if they want to avoid the firing squad! Back to the plan - they get into the village, but the girl isn't where Pete said she's be. Brisco tries to stop Pete providing the distraction, while Bowler discovers that the girl is hooked up with the revolutionary... except Pete mis-interprets the signals and fires anwyay! The girl's knocked unconscious in one of the ensuing explosions, so they grab her and flee.
With the girl in hand, the gang split up. Wickwire mentions that he's finished his airship. The girl tells them that General Quarry wants a war - as war heroes make good presidents - and that he's setting the revolutionary up for death when he comes after his love. When it turns out to be true, Brisco and Bowler sneak her out of the camp and back across the border to warn the revolutionary. Brisco ends up delaying the General's pursuit by throwing dynamite at them. They then fled in an attempt to find proof that they'd been set up before they turned themselves in... but they were caught first. And so, after a sham trial, our hero and his faithful companion face the firing squad, and appear to be shot!
Fortunately for our heroes, Professor Wickwire's rubber bullets put paid to the execution, but our heroes associates failed to deal with the other funeral wagon, so they have to escape in a hail of gunfire. Brisco and Bowler head for Mexico, while Whip and Elvis follow Pete right into the hands of the military... and they get into a subsequent argument over who built the prison and what the easiest escape route is! The General heads into Mexico after the revolutionary, and manage to seize him just before Brisco catches up.
Brisco and Bowler manage to get away with the girl, but the military are in close pursuit. They've also got the best tracker in America and a guy who carried his horse across a river just because someone told him he couldn't. They need to get off the ground, so Brisco sends a cable to Wickwire to meet them ahead. The President agrees to pardon our heroes if they find some evidence against the General. Pete, Whip and Elvis find a crawlspace under the cell, just like Elvis said they would.
Comet tries to create a false trail when Brisco, Bowler and the girl have to stop in a ghost town to wait for Wickwire. But their trackers are too good and double back to find them. Having the tracking team all played by American Footballers, they're starting to stretch the jokes by this point. Trapped on the roof of a burning building, Wickwire shows up in his zeppelin! The helium leak into the cabin is a pretty stupid joke, even for this show. The President's planning to sign a peace treaty with the Mexicans, and the General's planning to use the revolutionary as a pawn to kill the President. Can the airship get there first?
Wickwire's meeting with a Count Von Zeppelin to discuss selling him the airship... he also wants some armaments - a Led Zeppelin perhaps? Bowler's ears get stuffed by the change in altitude when they land. They make it to town, but Socrates is knocked out and captured - and when two soldiers discover Brisco and Bowler, only Pete and Co's escape saves them. Hiding in hay, Pete gets pitchforked and killed (again? will he stay dead this time?!) and his compatriots (including the girl) are recaptured. Brisco and Bowler are still free though... and a decent ball throw from Bowler brings down one of the traitors in the military, before Brisco jumps the General. A pardon is their only reward...